We're Launching An Official Discord Server!

Join our server here!

Frictional Games is a distant and cryptic game developer, quietly tinkering with unspeakable horrors in the darkest depths of Europe. Yet over the past while we have been chipping away at that image, exposing a softer core. And now we're ready for the final nail in the coffin of mystery: an official Frictional Games Discord server, where you can talk directly to us, or to other fans!

We hope that having a fluid, shared space like this will help casual and hardcore fans alike connect over topics that interest them, from lore conversations to sharing the cutest K8 plushie sewing patterns, from best uses of AddUseItemCallback to fanfiction tips. And, of course, anything and everything Frictional Games.

Aside from community-centered involvement, we hope to bring us developers closer to you with events like Ask Me Anything threads, and an occasional casual chat. Who knows what else the future will bring?

Upon launch the server includes channels for:
- Frictional's news, sales and patch notes,
- Discussions about SOMA, Amnesia games, Penumbra games and Frictional Games in general,
- Showcasing your mods and other fan creations like art, cosplay and videos,
- Connecting with peers and discussing modding, creating fanart, or how to avoid overheating when wearing a Grunt suit,
- Social media feeds,
- Buying our games directly from Discord.

To celebrate the launch, all our games are heavily discounted at the Discord store pages.

Welcome!

PS. We are open to getting a few more members for our moderator team, especially persons to balance out the majority of men. Contact community etc manager Kira for more details!

My Memory Of Us: A Polish Video Game About The Ghettos

My Memory of Us is a game developed by Juggler Games and soon to be published by IMGN.PRO, both of them Polish companies.

The game is set in a fantasy version of WWII, where two kids who are best friends are separated when an evil king (with robots) comes to power. They impose harsh restrictions on one of the kids (the girl) forcing them to wear certain clothing, mocking them, and creating dangerous situations. They only want to play together, and only by working together can the kids reveal their true power.

The game uses cute graphics against black and white dystopian steampunk backdrops of ghettos, garbage, and barbed wire. The story is narrated by Patrick Stewart.

I'm happy that they are not directly using Holocaust imagery, since this tends to end up in the hands of Nazis who enjoy watching Jews lose the game (like they enjoy watching Holocaust movies and rooting for the bad guys).

I don't know exactly how the story plays out. It might be an apologetic for Poland: the main characters are obviously the bad German regime and the two kids, Polish and Jewish, who work together and are both victims. Or it might not. You could gloss over that and simply enjoy the game. Apparently, the game was inspired by the real lives of some of the developers.

HT: Engadget via Boing Boing

Shadow Of The Comet – Miss PICOTT's Dominion

Written by limbeck

The town of Illsmouth is quaint, but what about the forest surrounding it? I am curious to scout the forest, in case there are any locations I was missing. I am wrong. The forest consists of a sort of a maze, with only a handful of different screens, that I believe are connected in the same way. So if I went left in location A, I would always end up in location B. I could have been moving west for ten screens only to go east once and end up in the town. Anyway, in my hikes I pick up three branches and a creeper for no apparent reason other than that my lasersight identified them.

Having wasted about twenty minutes trying to map the forest, in vain for the reasons explained above, I decide that I need a map, so I head back to my room to see if Boleskine's map would be of any use. But while I am passing through the town square, it is occupied by a troupe of gypsies, fully staffed with guitarist, dancer and bear. While I listen to their music, a policeman (Sgt BAGGS) arrives and does what policemen do according to my experience.

Bully some easy targets

I speak to the officer, who starts quite friendly, already knowing who I am of course. When I say I am thinking of taking a hike in the forest, he advises against it, unless I have a map. Otherwise I could get lost (I KNOW!). And he has to kick the gypsies out, towards the clearing in the forest, probably so they get lost as well. When I try to defend the troupe, he pulls his authority on me and says I should respect it, or else.

You will respect my authoritah

At least I get a friendly word from the gypsy lady, who is a fortune-teller. I expect I will find them later in the forest, if I have any idea where that clearing is. I don't think it is the same as the location with the cross I am looking for. I leave the area and return immediately. The scenery has again changed. Now it is a young lady sitting on the bench, next to, maybe you guessed it, Miss PICOTT. The young lady is GLORIA, PICOTT's niece. Trying to speak to them gets me a greeting from GLORIA,which then gets her a prudency lesson by Miss PICOTT. I stay a bit longer and eavesdrop their discussion. See, I can be nosy as well.

I find out that GLORIA is dating RENATO SMITH, who has apparently stolen JED's mule. So, Miss PICOTT appears to be the local matchmaker, as she suggests GLORIA marries Mr BATES, who is in the ripe age of 34. There was also something about fake jewels, but I don't pay any more attention after a while.

Don't mind me. I'm just enjoying the scenery

I return to my room, but I cannot open my chest to get my camera or the map or anything really. Previously I could open it and I registered these items, but now I did not even get a description. I thought it was some kind of bug, so I reloaded and tried again, but nothing happened. So, I was probably missing something. So, I set out to my favourite activity in Illsmouth: wandering and paying unsolicited visits to people's houses. I have mentioned in the previous post that JUGG has BOLESKINE's rifle hanging from his wall. What I did not mention is that the rifle has an engraving that I could not read without a magnifying glass. I found the magnifying glass in the Archives after a bit more wandering about.

It took me that long for two reasons. One, I foolishly assumed that the door to the Archives would be locked after JUGG left. It wasn't. Two, I had not properly looked around. At the back of the room there was a row of cabinets that I could examine. One had some interesting genealogical information about the town and Mr JUGG in particular.

Typical of small towns, everybody is related. No idea about SPRAGUE

In the same cabinet I also find documents saying that BOLESKINE sold all his equipment to buy a ticket home. So, that's how his rifle ended at JUGG's house. He probably has more of BOLESKINE's belongings. I should investigate. But first, I need to read the inscription on the rifle. I get the magnifying glass I find in another cabinet and go to read. The inscription provides some cryptic clues about some SEARCHER, which for some reason I assume it refers to some Suzan. Another visit to the Archives did not reveal anything new.

Jumping to conclusions

Now, when I return to my room, I can open my chest and pick up the map and BOLESKINE's drawing that I had won in the auction at Christie's. And here we come to the first bit of this session that annoyed me. I had the map and the drawing and I could do nothing with them. No new dialogues came up and they would not interact with anything. I spent some time walking around the town making small talk only to return to my room and realise that I could now open the chest of drawers again. I could not do it before having map and drawing in my hands. I need to be very careful and again check everything everywhere.

Now that I knew I can, I open the drawer and got some surgical spirit and absorbent cotton that were lying there. That B&B seems well equipped and even has rudimentary First Aid kit. 4 out of 5 stars. I am not sure what to do with these, but I tried using them and I end up with cotton soaked in ethanol (presumably). It will be useful to rub a wound I guess. But, even having it, I did not know what to do. I tried using all the items I had, but without luck. All I got was a "Useless" when I tried to use the map. The lack of feedback when I try to do something is a bit annoying as well.

Anyway, to sum it up, I had the idea correct, but the position was wrong. When I try to use the drawing when I stand closer to the desk at the bottom left, I put the drawing on the furniture and now I can use other items on it. The soaked cotton in particular. BOLESKINE had left another clue underneath.

Are we sure he was not just rating his B&B?

And now I know what to do. I put the map on the desk and, I initiate a sort of minigame. My map has Searcher and Beast, which both appear in BOLESKINE's notes. I assume that I have to look south of the Searcher and NE of the Beast. I make a note on the map, but I am not confident it is correct. I never got feedback that I had spotted the location. When I try later, I can put a different mark, but I decide to go with my first choice.

Or somewhere around there

Satisfied with myself and annoyed with the puzzles, I head out to town again. Outside of the pharmacy I meet MYER from the general store. Continuing his good record of customer service, he suggests I speak to Nathan TYLER, the lighthouse keeper, who could guide me through the forest. Now, why did nobody tell me this earlier? MYER also says some not so nice things about WILBUR's sons and WILBUR HAMBLETON himself when I ask about him. He does not avoid them himself, since they seem to keep the local economy going.

MYER told me that TYLER would be at the tavern, so I headed there. Outside it I meet Dr COBBLE. When I ask him about a guide, he fakes poor health and also suggests TYLER, with the additional comment that he "drives a hard bargain".

Dr COBBLE also revealed that he leads the Temperance League of Illsmouth along with, who else, Miss PICOTT. Apparently he was bullied into it by her.

Who really rules in this town?

In the tavern, I was warned once again about TYLER by Thomas BISHOP, a sailor, but not about his prices. When he came, we immediately started chatting about him taking me to the forest. He asked for $20, which was quite steep, but as soon as he learns my name, he offers to take me there for free.

You can wait in the bathroom while I go get my axe.

I agree immediately and we go to his house for some soup (smelled nice) and we would head out right away. What could go wrong?

Now I know why the soup smelled so nice

After my first death in the game, I reload and this time tell TYLER that I want to think about it. As soon as I do, somebody throws a stone through the window and breaks the glass. We head outside and see the HAMBLETON boys roughing up somebody called WEBSTER. BISHOP and TYLER just sit around for the spectacle and I cannot seem to be able to do anything apart from listening to the annoying repeating sound sprite of punches. Well, not really, as I find a baseball bat nearby and grab hold of it. By the time I do, the HAMBLETON boys have knocked Webster unconscious, so I can get a clear shot. The HAMBLETONS are not so happy with me, but they leave.

I'm here to chew bubblegum and kick some HAMBLETONS

I take WEBSTER to the pharmacy, where the doctor/pharmacist treats his wounds, while his daughter warms up to me, I want to think for my bravery and my stunning accent. She starts saying that her father is an avid photographer, only for him to interrupt her and say it himself. He also offers his dark chamber to develop the photos. That's something I hadn't thought about until now. Thank you sir.

I need to say that I have not mentioned photography to many

The pharmacist is not the only unexpectedly helpful person here. WEBSTER offers to be my guide to the calvary in the woods. We agree to meet in front of the town hall in an hour and I should bring my map with me. Maybe a camera as well. I decide to do another round in the town before I collect my stuff, but there is nothing important. JUGG is now at the Archives and he sends me to the tavern to find a guide. I am not sure I should trust him now. In JUGG's room, I pull a curtain which was hiding a door, but I cannot do anything with that. I'll be back later. I hope.

I go back to my room, where I pick up my camera, its tripod, a lantern and "lens", which looks like a flashlight. As soon as I get out on the street again, it is night.

Some nice change of colours and shades with the darkness

As agreed, I meet WEBSTER outside the town hall and we head off. He is kind enough to carry my tripod. He leads me to a place in the forest, just before the calvary with the cross. There is a wooden bridge I can cross. As we arrive, there is some rustling in one of the bushes. WEBSTER suspects someone is following us, but I think he is paranoid. I try poking it with a stick, but it is not possible. I head on.

Don't forget to leave the trip...oh

I finally arrive at the opening with the cross, but I do not have the tripod with me. WEBSTER ran away with it. I am pretty sure if you are scared to hell, you'd run faster without a cumbersome tripod, but what do I know.

Anyway, here is where the three sticks and creeper come in handy. I put the three sticks down and tie them with the creeper. I place my camera on top and unwrap the plates. I use them one by one on the camera and get three exposed plates.

So, did I really need the map to come here

Now I sit here and do not really know again what to do. I walk back to town, but there is no cutscene or any other indication that something has changed. Well, I think I was getting tired by this time, because if I headed east from the cross, I would arrive to a different location. There, a black cat runs past and hides in the undergrowth. This is a nice hint that I should go and check there. I do and I reveal a hidden passage. I walk to the passage and arrive at the scene of a ritual, led by a Native American (the game says Indian). Where I am noticed and killed.

I see TYLER, WILBUR, Dr COBBLE I think and who else?

I died several times in this scene and I will blame it partially on the game. When I am noticed, I run back to the area with the passage, but I cannot do anything with any of the objects I have. I try to flash the cultist in the face, hit him with the lantern or even take his photo. The game allowed me to access my inventory, but not do anything else. I always ended up in ashes.

I lost count of how many times I saw this close-up

It turns out that what I had to do was much simpler. As soon as I arrive at the clearing, I have to jump to the right and hide behind a tree. I must here state my hate for quicktime events or the like. And the fact that the game allowed me freedom after I was spotted set me on a different train of thought.

Anyway, to finish this very long post, I am hiding behind the tree, the ritual proceeds and the cult leader cuts his wrist with a knife. Then, a flying creature, I assume the owl from the intro, comes and drops a parchment. I pick it up quickly in a cutscene and run like hell to the safety of the town, smashing the arrow keys in a panic. In the meantime, I learn that in two nights time (i.e. when I plan to photograph the comet) Cthulhu will wake up to reign again and the Native American's name, which is even more complicated than a chant to Cthulhu to write down.

As I run, I stumble in front of Dr COBBLE's house and wake up the next morning in my bed. Dr COBBLE examined me and ordered a lack of excitement, as I run the risk of a heart attack. He prescribed me some pills for the heart.

Well, I don't go around looking for excitement. It just finds me

Meanwhile, I try telling him about the ritual and the Native American, but he was dismissive. He mentioned someone like him living in the forest, but the names did not match. Finally, he joked about the elixir of eternal life, because the name I gave him belonged to someone that lived a few centuries ago.

Apologies for the long post. Next week we will try and develop the photos and make sure we do not die of a heart attack.

Session time: 2:00
Total time: 3:30

Sanity lost: 3 from witnessing the ritual
Total sanity lost: 4 (still sane, but a bit twitchy)

PS. Can anybody let me know if I would still be able to set out if I hadn't marked the correct spot on the map? Right now, it feels as if it didn't really matter.

Trying Out New Contrast Paints

   I usually use Vallejo paints, but I thought I would give the new contrast paints a try. I am using the Goliath gangers from the Necromunda Underhive boxed set as my test subjects.I went with flesh, because they have a good deal of it showing.

Guilliman Flesh over Flat White base

White spray, Strong Tone wash, Guilliman Flesh Contrast paint

Did this based on a Twitter post

Rear view of above.

Guilliman Flesh Contrast over flat white base

   I was skeptical but it seems to work fairly well. I usually use a black basecoat, though, so I guess the next step is to try it over with that.

Movie Reviews: Mission Impossible: Fallout, Ant-Man And The Wasp, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, The Incredibles 2, Breathe, Midnight Sun

See all of my movie reviews.

Mission Impossible: Fallout - A very good, but not great, entry in this franchise.

MI's plots are generally unimportant: a bunch of people want to kill a bunch of people, MI agents are the only ones who can stop them, but there are traitors in the CIA who are secretly working against them together with the bad guys. Lots of tropes: cool gadgets, deceptively getting suspects to talk, impersonating bad guys using fake masks, plans gone awry, Tom Cruise dangling off of something high, and last second triumphs.

This movie has a few things going for it that its competition franchises (MCU, DCU, James Bond, Fast and Furious, Transformers, Jurassic Park) don't. One is Tom Cruise, who is a great actor and action hero ONLY when he isn't carrying the entire movie. MI has a nice cast of characters that provide relief from endless shots of Tom running, dangling, and jumping. Another is that they manage to keep coming up with tense situations and action sequences that are at least plausible and thus captivating. And that Tom  does his own stunts and the CGI is minimal, which makes the action sequences more engaging and less like watching cool effects on a computer. Tom doing things while skydiving is really Tom Cruise skydiving, which is pretty cool. Mostly, it's that they take some time to give Tom, at least, some real personality, so that he makes different choices based on conflicting targets of loyalty.

The last one is important, and while MI:F includes this, it doesn't include it nearly enough. They keep trying to muscle in more action sequences and less character time. This may make Marvel fans happy but only makes the movie less engaging and more exhausting. The movie too often jumped from action sequence to action sequence without a breath, which left me just a bit numb. I'm sure there are people who like this; who would complain, in fact, if there were more character sequences. So it's just my opinion. These people also tend to overlook little problems, like how certain people deceive other people when these deceivers are under careful, continuous observation, how certain people could possibly know to be in certain places at certain times to meet certain other people when these other people are doing things purely randomly, and and how certain people would surely have to go through a number of checks before getting to where they got to. I guess I am not supposed to notice those things.

Anyway, I enjoyed it. Not as much as 1 or 4, but more then 5 (I didn't see 2 or 3).

Ant-Man and the Wasp - Marvel, yippee. I never actually made it through Ant-Man because it was formulaic and boring. Perhaps the only thing going for it was that at least the fate of the universe wasn't at stake, which was a nice change.

I'm kind of at a loss as to why I found this one more enjoyable. Not exactly a good movie, but better. The ending was poorly executed, and really the science doesn't make any sense. I'm happy that the fate of the world isn't at stake - just one woman. And I'm happy that the main "bad guy" is someone who has a compelling motivation and who isn't bad at all, just trying to survive.

I guess dispensing with a lot of the back-story helped, as did allowing us to see all of the many ways that shrinking/expanding can be used in a fight. Its lack of ambition made it feel less pretentious and thus easier to accept. It felt like a pretty good television episode. So it was okay.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom - The first one (Jurassic Park) was a classic; the last one (Jurassic World) was okay, but the characters were so flat as to make it feel like a Marvel movie. This one is about the same as the last one, but the plot is dumber and even less original. They need to either let the dinosaurs die or rescue them to some other island, and by the way, someone wants to steal some of the dinosaurs and by the way, someone wants to sell them as military weapons (somehow). It sounds familiar because it is.

Same kinds of bad guys doing the same kinds of bad things; yadda yadda. The characters from the last movie are a little different, but just as flat. It's hard to care.

The Incredibles 2 - The first was a great movie, marrying Disney with superheroes with some actual adult themes that didn't talk down to kids. This one is even more so. It starts exactly where the last one left off, only they have to deal with the consequences of the damage caused to the city after they stop the first bad guy (exactly like Captain America: Civil War). In order to solve their PR problem, they decide that Elastigirl (rather than the less PR-worthy Mr Incredible) be sent out to do some careful superhero work, which leaves Mr Incredible alone at home with the kids and their new baby of wildly unknown superpowers.

Cue a little male resentment and a touch of 1950s role reversal comedy, but really not too much. Elastigirl really is a superhero as well as a mom, and she does it well, and Mr Incredible proves that every stay-at-home parent is a superhero in his or her own way. Of course, eventually everything has to come to a head.

The plot is good and thought-provoking, but still full of humor and great action. Of course, it's beautifully rendered and well voiced. A worthy sequel to the original.

Breathe - The true story of a British flyboy who becomes paralyzed by polio while in Kenya in the 1950s. He is ready to die, but his wife won't let him and he goes on to travel home, leave the hospital (which never happened back then) and eventually design the first wheelchair with a respirator. His work (and his good friend the engineer) went on to improve the life of thousands of people in similar condition.

It's wrapped up in beautiful scenery and costuming and a true-life love story. It was interesting to watch, although I guess they glossed over some of the less palatable parts of taking care of a paralyzed person. Meanwhile, some parts of the movie went on longer than they should have, such as the entire last half hour where he decides he has finally lived long enough; these parts could have been shorter. I loved and was even surprised by, the scenes in Spain.

Worth watching, although I wouldn't go out of my way to see it.

Midnight Sun - This is a pretty terrible movie from nearly every perspective. It is about a girl with xeroderma pigmentosum.

In real life, this is a non-curable condition whose sufferers tend to sunburn or blister after small exposures to sunlight and who are therefore extremely vulnerable to skin cancer. People with this condition are visibly distinguishable as such, having typically found out about their condition the hard way. They may have special glass in their house windows, but they can go out in daylight with a lot of clothing and extra caution.

In movie life, the girl has movie-perfect skin and never goes outside during daylight. Furthermore, the moment she is exposed to a few seconds of sunlight she develops a brain condition that begins causing her death.

If that wasn't enough of a problem, just let the anemic characters and the predictable, manipulative, and poorly scripted and acted plot do the rest. And, of course, she is going to "hide" her condition from the first (and last) boy she goes out with, because we never get enough of that kind of thing from sitcoms.

Download Battlefield V For PS4

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Release Date: Out NowGenre: Shooter

Developer: DICEPublisher: Electronic Arts

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Third Year Games Design Students Chosen For Placement At Rebellion Oxford.

Very excited for our third year games design students, Jacob Simpson and Scott Hamilton as they head down to Oxford for their visit to @Rebellion.
With a 5.30 am start, he guys wrote on Twitter:
'Up bright and early with @SHGameDesign to go down to @Rebellion, only a 3 and a half hour train each way. Regardless, somehow we're still hyped beyond belief and ready to go! See you soon!'

Many thanks to the guys at Rebellion for making this possible and also special thanks to Saija Wintersun who attended the big UCLan CJam event to interview and identify students for this opportunity.

Jacob and Scott were so happy to have this opportunity which really helps them to connect with industry and is so inspiring for them as designers.
Huge thanks to the designers at Rebellion for spending time with them. Both found it a very valuable experience and were pleased to meet such great people from the industry.

Our Uclan Games Design Course was excited to take part in cJAM: Media during Nov 2019! We were so proud to welcome our Alumni @UCLanJMP, Saija Wintersun, now Senior Environment Artist at @Rebellion, Oxford.

cJam at UCLan is a vibrant showcase event that enables our talented students to meet face-to-face with senior industry professionals, to share ideas, make connections and pitch for opportunities. cJAM events are hosted by the Faculty of Culture and the Creative Industries and the objective of today is to give our students the opportunity to win placements that will help launch their careers. It is so important that our students understand the pace of change within the different media sectors, how digital technology is affecting the industry, and the best career opportunities open to them. 

Psikyo Shooting Stars Alpha Is Now Available To Play!

NIS America is excited to announce that Psikyo Shooting Stars Alpha released today in North America and will launch on January 24 in Europe and January 31 in Oceania. Psikyo Shooting Stars Alpha along with Psikyo Shooting Stars Bravo will be available exclusively for Nintendo Switch as two separate collections that bring together Psikyo's greatest hits!

About Psikyo Shooting Stars Alpha:

• STRIKERS 1945 - The mysterious C.A.N.Y. organization seeks to conquer the world with powerful superweapons, and only the Strikers team can take them down and restore peace!
• STRIKERS 1945 II - The Strikers team is called into action once again when a new threat appears in the form of the F.G.R. faction and their massive mecha technology!
• STRIKERS 1945 III - Experience the third chapter of the legendary STRIKERS series in its first ever re-release. A swarm of alien microbots known as "nanites" have infiltrated Earth's military bases, and the heroic Strikers must utilize powerful new vehicles and weapons to repel the invaders!
• SOL DIVIDE - The evil emperor Ifter seeks to become a demon and take over the world. It is up to three powerful heroes to rise up and stop his nefarious campaign!
• Dragon Blaze - Four dragon rider knights, each with their own goals, are on a quest to slay the Demon King. Will their quests end in triumph...or ruin?
• ZERO GUNNER 2 - To free the world from the evil conglomerate Igem and their destructive ONI machine, the blazing guns of the Zero Gunner squadron are called in to take them down!

Key Features:

• Pixel Perfect: Experience classic shooters beautifully rendered in high definition.
• Play Your Way: Choose between horizontal mode and vertical "TATE" Mode, or hand a Joy-Con to a friend for some couch co-op fun!
• Unlimited Quarters: Six shooters, six stories, and an infinite supply of ammo jam-packed in one game.

Why Self-Compassion?

I've read so many self-help books, and upon reviewing the most helpful ones, I keep saying, "that's another way of saying to have self-compassion". The concept that ties all the ideas in these self-help books boils down to self-compassion.

I also recommend The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People for a roadmap on how to organize your life in a practical manner, as a very effective and powerful way of doing your to-do lists, and so forth. I summarized the book here in two parts, this is the first part.

But it's really self-compassion that can motivate you to be effective in the first place, and to really stick to your goals! I wasn't able to follow any sort of positive habits for long when I read The 7 Habits in college, because of being easily demoralized.

Therefore, in this post, we'll explain why self-compassion is such a powerful concept. Practicing self-compassion is personal and isn't applied in a "cookie-cutter" way. In fact, having self-compassion is extremely challenging and difficult, as you have to find out what works for you.

In this past post, I superficially touched upon a self-compassion exercise, so in this post, we'll explain why self-compassion is key, by summarizing Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself  by Kristen Neff, Ph.D., who is the foremost authority on the subject.

In the horrible Harry Harlow experiments, he nevertheless proved that love and connection are more basic than food and water. The poor baby monkeys were taken away from their mothers, and had to choose between the fake cloth mom with no food/water, and the fake wire mom with food/water.

Harlow himself thought that the babies would stick with the wire mom the whole time because of the food and water, but found out the exact opposite. The babies clung to the cloth mom and when hungry, run toward the food/water, and then immediately run back to the cloth mom.

What this experiment proved is that the basic need of all humans is love and connection, more so than even food and water. When you don't have love and connection with others, it can lead to depression, anxiety and even suicide.

This sense of belonging is primary and deep, even in the most "macho" rituals, American football. By being a diehard fan of one team, you embrace other fellow fans. You see strangers hugging each other, sharing food and beer in these "tail-gate" parties. There's a huge sense of connection if you ever participated in one of these parties.

Having self-compassion sounds soft and fluffy, but in reality, it can be very tough and painful at times, as we will see down the road.

PROBLEM ONE: Comparing ourselves to others leads to disconnection and suffering

At least in the Western world, we live in an extremely competitive society where we must excel, and it's not "good enough" to be average, you have to be above average.

This is so illogical, because we can't be above average in all things, and there are always going to be people who are more beautiful, smarter, more successful than us.

Sadly, by comparing ourselves to others and being competitive in wanting to be above-average, people tend to look down upon others to feel better about themselves.

We may get a rush from having higher self-esteem when we mistakenly feel that we are more "successful" than another person.

However, if we meet someone who is more "successful" than us, then our self-esteem plummets, and we feel like crap.

Therefore, comparing ourselves to others leads to this emotional see-saw. If we find we're better, we get elated, if we don't measure up, we get depressed.  Even worse, when we protect our self-image to avoid feeling bad about ourselves, we don't acknowledge our faults, rather blaming the other person, even though "it takes two to tango".

This leads to ongoing conflicts, which causes disconnection from your loved ones. Further, by not seeing our flaws, that leads to stagnation and lack of growth, because how can you improve if you don't acknowledge your faults?

The solution to prevent these comparisons is self-compassion. Stop judging and evaluating ourselves altogether! Don't label ourselves as "good" or "bad" but rather accept ourselves openly, and treat ourselves with kindness like a best friend.

Does this work? Yes! By having self-compassion you accept yourself because you're like everybody else! Everyone has flaws, we're no different. By accepting ourselves for who we are, then we can accept others as well, and there's no reason to compare.

When you love and truly accept yourself, you're not going to look down on those who are less fortunate. Likewise, you're not going to have that sinking feeling that you're not doing enough when you see others drive fancy cars.

Caveat: There are many people who are rather harsh with themselves, but would never be that way with others. However, by being nasty to yourself, you're not going to feel good about yourself.

Why not pursue Win/Win where you're compassionate towards yourself and others?

I notice that I tend to feel sour when someone I dislike becomes more successful (comparing), and I get down on myself for not being that successful. Then I feel bad that I can't forgive the person and let go. It's an absolutely awful feeling, it doesn't do me any good, and certainly not to the more successful person. I really hate that pinched soul feeling.

Next, I continue to feel bad about myself for not being charitable, and this spirals downward to being angry with myself, "why can't I just forgive!".

However, when I have self-compassion and realize that forgiveness is something I struggle greatly with, and indeed a lot of people have the same issues, I can be more patient with myself and move toward being less judgmental.

Allowing yourself to be kind to yourself humanizes you (as you suffer just like everyone), as well as humanizing others because you understand deep down that they're going through same and/or different struggles as well.

In other words, as part of humanity, you are a worthy person, just like everyone else. When you see yourself as different than others, that again leads to feeling disconnected and not belonging to humanity.

Indeed, dehumanizing others leads to disconnection, which has led to unspeakable crimes against humanity. By seeing "non-Aryan" groups as other and less than human, it was easy for an entire nation to exterminate and torture people "because they're not like us".

PROBLEM 2: Feeling lonely and isolated

We looked at the first part of self-compassion which is self-kindness: gentle understanding of ourselves, rather than being critical and judgmental.

The second part of compassion we briefly touched upon. Why should we be kind to ourselves? Because we're all part of humanity. As we're kind to others, then it makes logical sense to be kind to ourselves.

The concept here is "we're all in this together". We recognize this common human experience of suffering, acknowledging the interconnected nature of our lives (Harry Harlow experiment), indeed life itself.

Therefore, compassion is relational. By seeing people as part of humanity, rather than "other" as the Nazis did, we feel connected.

As explained above, our deepest need is to belong, but when you compare yourself to others, this disconnect leads to loneliness. The KKK feel superior to others because they're white, and the "other" is not. The same can be said of Men, Women, Democrats, Republicans, Americans, Russians, Christians, Muslims, and the list goes on. We're part of this group, therefore, we're superior to this other group. Fanatical group identity is dangerous as it leads to disconnection and even genocide. 

However, if you refuse to hold this view and have compassion toward yourself and others, regardless of group affiliation, you have connection. Instead of seeing differences, you reframe and see how we're so similar to one another. We all want love and connection; that's our similarity.

So when our sense of self-worth and belonging is grounded in simply being human, we can't be rejected or cast out by others. It makes no sense to say that you're rejected by humanity, because you're human.

Remember your shared humanity. That can help you to have compassion for who you are. It helps to have others be kind toward you, but they can't be there with you 24/7. However, you can be with yourself 24/7, so you might as well be kind to yourself using the "best friend" approach discussed in this post.

PROBLEM 3: Suffering

This is the hard part of self-compassion. Self-kindness and common humanity we discussed above. The third and last step is mindfulness.

You must be aware of your suffering, but in a balanced way, where you neither diminish, or make it out to be worse than it is. I tend to make a mountain out of an ant-hill.

Therefore, in this third part of self-compassion, you need to be mindful - clear seeing and nonjudgmental acceptance of what's occurring in the present moment.

You're facing up to reality, neither underestimating or over-exaggerating things. First step is to recognize when you're suffering instead of suppressing it, because you can't heal what you can't feel. Be aware of your pain. By stuffing and ignoring pain, it can explode.

A good analogy of awareness is thus: Awareness is the blue sky. Your feelings and thoughts are the birds flapping around. Identify with the sky, instead of the birds. If you remain in awareness (i.e. sky) and not react to the thoughts and feelings (birds), you can be calm and centered as the sky doesn't shift and change in a feckless manner.

You can't change your thoughts and feelings very well, but you can change your reactions to them. There are many meditation techniques, but the key here is to hold and be aware of the pain, and don't numb it.

Indeed, people who suffer from PTSD tend to numb their emotions, as a very understandable mechanism to avoid feeling the immense pain of trauma.

But by having this numbing of emotions, they can't feel the positive emotions of joy, creativity, love. When you numb, you numb all emotions. Often, people who suffer from PTSD say that they're living zombies and they don't know how to have fun anymore.

The hard work in PTSD involves working through the painful memories in a safe, secure environment. The acknowledgment, and being one with the pain, is the really difficult part of self-compassion.

One example that makes us all feel bad about ourselves is when we hear a baby crying which irritates us, but we judge ourselves for having these thoughts, "what a horrible person I am for having that thought, it's only a baby, a nicer person would feel sympathy rather than being triggered".

However, if you have self-compassion, you stop the judgment. You become aware (sky) of the irritation (birds) you're having, you acknowledge the negative thought, while recognizing that surely a lot of people would feel the same way, and the thought will eventually pass!

A silly example is when I went to a party. I tend to need at least 5 large glasses of wine and/or beer to feel socially comfortable. The extremely uncomfortable feeling of being socially awkward has been too hard for me to deal with.

However, at a recent party, I decided not to drink - this wasn't too daring, because there were only 3 people at the party that I don't know that well. I decided to practice self-compassion, since I just completed reading the book.I decided to be one with being socially awkward.

What helped me was chanting exactly how I felt, "socially awkward, socially awkward, socially awkward". However, after 1 hour (I'm "slow to warm up"), I stopped feeling awkward, and I ended up enjoying being in the moment and having meaningful connections.

I'm not sure if this strategy would work if I'm in a party with people I barely know, but this is a small step to being aware.

Dr. Neff recommends that when you feel suffering, to have a mantra, in your words, along this line:

This is a moment of suffering
Suffering is part of life
May I be kind to myself in this moment
May I give myself the compassion I need

I kind of like Brene Brown, Ph.D. (author of Daring Greatly) mantra where one of her interviewees, when in pain would simply say, "pain, pain pain". Or you can say "ouch, ouch, ouch", to acknowledge the pain, as well as the rest of the mantra as suffering being part of humanity, and to give yourself kindness and compassion. It's best if it's in your own words.

On a positive note, when you have awareness, you're going to have awareness of positive emotions too! In this situation, you can hold it in loving awareness and really make that feeling bloom! You can experience love and joy with more awareness and rejoice in it - it actually overflowed to my coworkers and strangers!

Using the three part component of self-compassion as a way toward love and connection, it helps you to deal with pain and suffering.

I then chuckled at Dr. Neff's stages of self-compassion, because I went through the same thing. Initially, as I had self-compassion, I had this outpouring of love toward my coworkers, and work was light - I actually made some rather creative suggestions which surprised even me. I was enamored with self-compassion.

However, I then saw the hard work of self-compassion. It doesn't take the pain away at all, rather it helps you to be more resilient and deal with pain in a more effective way.

Instead of numbing or burying your feelings, which will pop up again, as survivors of trauma would all attest, in the form of disturbing intrusions, horrific nightmares and flashbacks, rather self-compassion holds you in awareness.

With self-compassion, you gain the resilience to work on painful emotions, feelings and thoughts head on. While having compassion for yourself that you're suffering like the rest of the world, and being aware of the pain, you can wait for the pain to pass. You can weather these negative emotions. This leads to emotional resilience, and with practice, you become better and better at it.

PROBLEM 4: Being successful

If you think about it, if you see someone more successful than you, and he brags to you about all the things he bought, where you "only" have a run of the mill sedan, it'll be hard to be friends with him.

Therefore, what if you're highly successful, does this mean you'll be disconnected from others? If you have self-compassion, no! As part of humanity (principle 2 of self-compassion), you'll have shared joy.

You are concerned for your own well-being as well as others, so you want both to succeed! By recognizing our inherent connectedness, Dr. Neff writes, "When we're part of a larger whole, we can feel glad that 'one of us' has something to celebrate".

You celebrate with exuberance in the success of others with self-compassion. In fact, with self-compassion, you can genuinely feel that way, instead of grudgingly when you see your friends being more successful than you.

Instead, armed with self-compassion, you become aware of other people's positive traits and fully appreciate them, not taking them for granted. You rejoice in yourself, just as you rejoice in others.

PROBLEM 5: I'm not going to be successful if I have self-compassion

The opposite is true. So many psychological studies have shown that intrinsic motivation is more powerful than extrinsic motivation.

If you're stuck in the self-esteem, need to prove myself trap, you're doing things to be successful, to look smart, athletic so that you can be admired, which strokes your ego. This is extrinsic motivation.

Let's say the activity is very grueling, streaming as a career. With extrinsic motivation, your self-esteem increases when your viewer numbers go up, and then it crashes when your number goes down.

I know this very well. In the early stages of streaming, I actually got depressed when my viewer number went from 10 to 9, WTF!

But you still stream for those numbers because when you grow, your self-esteem does as well, and I did get emotional high's when I got an average of 20 in one month - it's like a drug!

However, during summer, when many are off on vacation, your numbers tend to be lower for the next 3 months. Since you're streaming for self-esteem and those numbers, you may be demoralized and then give up.

Further, by wanting to be successful so you can prove yourself as the "better" streamer (stroking your ego), you're afraid to take creative risks, make mistakes, for fear of losing viewers. You then look "wooden" which is the death-knell in entertainment. You keep to a regular script which can get stale, also another way to make yourself bored and not wanting to stream anymore.

However, if you have self-compassion, which leads to awareness of what you truly want in life, you decide to stream because you love the process as well as your viewers.

You enjoy the connection and the challenge of negotiating chat and gameplay, and finding new creative angles to be entertaining.

This is intrinsic motivation, you're doing something because you want to do it. You don't care if you fail and your numbers drop like flies, because your self-esteem isn't harmed in any way, because you have self-compassion.

If you do something "dumb" while streaming, you'll be able to do your "ouch" mantra, hold the embarrassment, and move on, with emotional resilience. You can take enormous risks (historically leading to major advancements in technology and innovation) because you simply don't care about social rejection or judgment, or low viewer numbers. You are authentic and free.

If you're stuck on an issue with streaming, you're not afraid to ask for help for "fear of looking stupid". In other words, you're not controlled by societal pressures when you have self-compassion.

You do your own thing with utmost courage, authenticity, honesty and integrity, screw the rules! Contrary to what people think, self-compassion isn't "wimpy", but bad-ass! What's more bad-ass than being true to yourself and a "rebel".

At any rate, it appears that those who do something they absolutely love tend to be more successful than someone who's doing it to prove themselves.

When you love something, you never get tired of doing it, to the point where you may have to work on self-care issues such as eating regular meals and getting enough sleep (I'm thinking specifically video gaming).

When you're doing something to prove things, you're going to be demoralized when there's a glitch, a temporary obstacle, and failure, and you may quit altogether.

The person who's spending and practicing that many hours because of the enjoyment will tend to be better at the activity than someone who quits in fits and starts due to obstacles in the way.

I wanted to outline the three components of self-compassion here, and present the major arguments for self-compassion.

There are many exercises in the book that I won't outline here, so if you feel that the concept of self-compassion makes sense and can make a difference in your life, I highly recommend Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. 

I found the concept of self-compassion jump started me on being way more pro-active in self-care and fulfilling my specific goals. Perhaps borrow the book from the library or look through the book at the bookstore. Do the exercises that resonate with you. Above all have self-compassion!

Note: I have been including the How of Happiness link in the bottom of all my posts, but I found Dr. Neff's Self-Compassion equally important, so I'll be alternating posts with these books.